Nico the Elder Hijo - What Comes After? Lyrics

Thanksgiving is a nightmare
Christmas is a nightmare
Every other second is just another nightmare
I hate it, I hate it
I hate every moment
But they don't know how it's going, how I'm feeling all alone and

You know they ask me what they can do to be supportive
But I ignore it, I don't know why I do it but I do
It's that mental state, it's the weight on my shoulders
It's the bruises and scars from trying to dig out closure

All I want is to feel alive
All I want is to feel like
I have a say in the things that make feel like me
Please just listen, you don't have to understand, you don't have to agree

I just want to go back to bed
Leave the voices in my head
I'm suffocating, do you hear me?
Do you hear me gasping for air?
I just want to be left alone
I just want to go home
I know you're scared
But so am I

Is this normal?
I feel immoral, is this normal?
Am I normal?
Do I fit into your box?
I'm unorthodox, I know
I'm at a low point, rock bottom
I got problems I've forgotten who I am and what's the plan what I can't do and what I can
I feel like I'm drowning, I feel your breath upon my neck
I feel like a mess, I feel claustrophobic in this dress
From birth, I was assigned
And well defined and over time
I came to find that my design was flawed and
I tried to realign my stars
I've covered up my scars
I'm missing pieces of my heart
I gave them up to you as parts
Made my guitar sing my memoir

And I understand that you're upset that I declined to keep that title
It didn't fit into my bible, I tried but I'm not a disciple
I tried and prayed and overstayed and never got an answer
Please stop asking me "what's the matter?"

I still have to wrap my head around the thought
I still have to figure out what's that something that I lost

I shoved the pieces into places they don't quite fit into
I've been digging for years, when can I make my breakthrough?
I feel queasy, I'm uneasy can time just come to a stop!

F*ck, it's already 3 o' clock

I just want to go back to bed
Leave the voices in my head
I'm suffocating, do you hear me?
Do you hear me gasping for air?
I just want to be left alone
I just want to go home
I know you're scared
But can't lie, so am I

I'm running on empty, I've thrown it all away
I've spent all I had on yesterday
I'm broke and I'm broken, I've seen it all
Oh, I know, oh, I know
Oh, I know that it's not my fault
They say I should be proud
Of who I've become
But I'm disappointed
I'm disappointed
They said I should be proud
Of how I turned out
But I'm disappointed

I don't know what you want me to say
Should I just lie that I'm okay?
I can't admit that I feel proud
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now that I've broken down?
Are you happy now?
Are you happy now?