Where Will I Go? Video (MV)

Hazy IPA I crave and cave in to abusive ways
I guess I am my grandpa and my grandma in a different brain
Ain't it strange? I talk it out but it'll never change
Tryna run from it, block it out, I guess I can't complain
What will I do?
Took a trip to get a fix on 66 the mountainous
The outcome was a sober mind, a good three months of fixing signs
Then I went to Vegas and got faded, alcohol my spine
Something I ain't talked about, abuse has always robbed me blind
Kept me from connecting keeps me leaving who I love behind
What will I do?
Trauma dump on all those peaks and notebooks I keep secretly
I've said I want to kill myself a 100 times, the very least
Every morning feel the glow as I look out towards the east
I know that one day I'll be fine and radiate
With peace
Rays of sun some days feel like razors on these desert streets
Kicking up the dirt to find a creek to numb my bleeding teeth
Hands are in the soil I keep praying, let the stress release
Hope they love me at my press release
What will I do?
I'm still searching for that ecstasy and climbing hills I can't defeat
The details are so vivid but my memory is incomplete
Talking to my therapist, she telling me I need to leave
I disappeared like Chris into the trees but I still can't breath
Doubt mixed with disbelief
Angry how I'm still perceived
Looking in the mirror like is this real? Guess I'm Tel Aviv
The mind is still a hurricane, like can I get some damn relief?
Done it all to fix beliefs within myself that wild beast
It's Kurama on both my sleeves
Sew it in Brazilian Weaves
I care too much I'm so naive
See the good in godless beings
I had to cut em' off, butcher brothers with a heavy cleave
Ain't too much that's left for me
Besides a trail that's hella steep
Staring at this map camping ridges on a glacier creek