I'm Tired of Lying and Sinning Video (MV)

Lost in paradise
I was lying, I was sinning, I'm asking god to give me purpose
She played my heart, before all that she thought that I deserved it
She told me sorry, she apologized, we both ain't perfect
That don't mean you gotta cast me out like I was worthless
I said I had to put you to the side cause I was hurtin'
I'm the one that's looking on my burner cause I earned it
I put you on a pedestal, these days I wish I burned it
I'm sorry for the pain I caused, can't take it back, I'm learnin'
I call her back, I tell her everything that's on my mind
I had to block you out my world cause you infested mine
I knew you for some years, I loved you more than half the time
She told me she can't get attached, not loyal to the bind
You ruined my perspective now I find love hard to find
If we were at the beach I'd go ahead and draw the line
And it's so far away that you can't even see I'm fine
She fed up with all of my talk she text me one last time
Long paragraph, you demeaning me lately
I told her sorry I'm not sorry, you can go ahead and hate me
I don't respond well to anyone who's flaky
I told 'em you can talk for hours but you just can't debate me
You can't save me I'm long gone and I'm crazy
I don't care if you love me or hate me
I talk to god everyday he's the one who forgave me
Thank god you don't talk to me lately cause
I swear, we live the craziest life
One day you want me, next day you swipe left
I'm just tryna make peace with the feelings I kept
Long ride I can't hold on for the rest cause I'm
Moving forward, I can't go back to the past
Gotta learn from my mistakes cause I can never take 'em back
From my perspective, no, you didn't feel bad
From my perspective you would throw me in the trash
I'm tired of lying and sinning
I'm tired of screwing over women for my personal game or my personal gain
I take personal blame for all the shit that I did
Maybe one day I'll forgive but I can never forget
I got some things that you told me that I still can't accept
I'm moving forward everyday I just be trying my best
But it feels like you don't realize you turn my heart to shreds
I'm in need of vengeance, can't help something I'll never get
If you know me you should notice that I killed the old me
Put me in a casket, celebrate my life like matrimony
I don't wanna talk to you again, your fake and phony
You could study me for years but you could never ever clone me
I put you in a list of women I want nothing to do with
Martin Luther King back shots, I give her a movement
I nominate myself the best to ever ever do it
They say "you gotta do something first Cole Myer, you gotta prove it"
I swear I live the craziest life
She wanna f*ck, next day she wanna fight
Not my fault that you call me out, you know I'm in the right
It's not my fault you can't handle this life
I'm just being me, I'm just being honest
I'm 12% Indian, I'm Pocahontas
You said you give it up to me, do you promise?
I gotta know if you really really want it
Damn
I guess it's time for me to go put in some work
I put pink all on my body, got me feeling like Lil Uzi Vert
Remember times when I would put you first, well there's no more
I'm doing pushups when I push myself up off the floor
I try my best to be authentic, how am I supposed to be authentic
When your feelings something that you never meant
And I'm just waiting for a cure, you injected me with venom
I'm just telling people that I wish I never met 'em
I took some time to live my life hear my experience
Take me out that box of people you don't wanna hear again
I lost my chance, it hurt more to lose a friend
I don't care about your body, mad bout time I used and spent
I see you up inside my head, my lyrics make you pay the rent
At this point inside my life I don't think I should be content
Everything I do is with intent, I'm Mr. Made It Happen
Fire coming from my breath like I just went and slayed a dragon
My mouth keeps telling me yes
When MyFitnessPal keeps telling me no
I got bout 8 left, 10 sets, 5 pounds to go
I got some things inside my head I think that you'd love to know
And I got things inside my head that I think you'd really hate
But I'ma keep it to myself I hate a pointless debate
While she gon' keep on playing men I'm shocked that she don't feel shame
I'm tired of talking bout the past I'm tired of playing these games because
I never ever not once ever claimed to own ya
I put you in a box of women I don't wanna know of
I heard you claimed to change your stance, you just bent it over
They put me on this winter arc like I'm a super solider
They put me on this winter arc like my name is Noah
Maybe one day we can reconnect when I'm a little older
But for now I think I'm in need of some time to grow up
I'm lost in paradise, I got some shit you'll never know bruh
I don't have an ED, when I starve it's my choice
She said she don't wanna hear me, hate the sound of my voice
They done womanized a weaponizer, I sing with joyce
I put headphones on around with you to drown out the noise
You don't need to make amends, it'll work itself out
That's the saddest truth I've heard, need confirmation right now
I'm tired of talking about some nonsense I'ma make it somehow
I'm tired of lying and tired of sinning, I do what god allow